autumn leaves and stereo systems

My parents have had the exact same stereo system my entire life. This is the stereo system that plays the radio, tapes, cds and the record player still works with it. It is old as hell and the speakers have had to be fixed several times but it is the only stereo system I have ever known. Growing up my parents were the biggest music people and still are. They have the widest variety of music that I have ever seen and I swallow it up like pumpkin pie at thanksgiving. I have always been very impressionable when it comes to music. From my parents to my brothers. Everything I grew up listening to is still among my favourites in my itunes. We have over five decades of music in my house, from the records to the cds. I remember precisely listening to Sting's Fields Of Gold, and my brothers and I mistaking it for fields of corn.

What I find funny is that a lot of the songs that I hear I have no idea who is singing them but I know every single word and guitar solo. I know the beat and where and when the drums start. It is that repetition of hearing over and over throughout my entire life. From Rod Stewart to Paul Simon's Graceland. All these oldies that I cherished so much because of the reminder of my childhood.

Sunday I spent my entire day helping my parents get ready for our family coming over. Of course the stereo goes on and it is on spiral and we all start singing wherever we are in the house. Even at this very moment I have started to play the very same music.

It really is all nostalgia for my youth, for growing up and what it means to me. It brings back the memories of chilly winter evenings, fresh snow on the ground and the fire on while we cook dinner. The comforts of home and the things that bring you back to those moments you want to remember until the end of time.

As the leaves fall all I really want to do is turn that old stereo system up and dance and sing around the house.

giving thanks for ...

Another Thanksgiving weekend has past and there is yet another round of things to be so very thankful for. After the year i've had, especially this summer, I've really come to the realization that I have so much to be thankful for. Without going into immense detail I realized how lucky I am and how much I have been given my entire life and still recieve.

I said at thanksgiving dinner that I am thankful for everything. By everything I mean everything. Every single little thing in my life I am so very thankful for.

Boys confuse me. I do not understand why it is so difficult to read a boy. There is the guy I am seriously crushing on and I think he has feelings in return, but I can't be sure. I can't tell if he is being nice or if he is just shy. Honestly, he could have a girlfriend, but I don't think so. I get so many mixed signals and then at times I don't. To me it seems simple but apparently not. I'm sure any other woman would tell me that it is always complicated, but why?

I live in confusion, because I genuinely have feelings for him and I have no idea how he feels in return.

This is why so many young people can never find a significant other, because nothing ever moves forward. We are constantly stuck on being afraid to take a risk or to step into the unknown.

Questioning a question only leads to another question:

Recently I've found myself with an enormous crush on this guy I barely know. It got me thinking about the unknown. Questioning what is happening in peoples mind around you. What brought on the thought was what if he liked me? What if he felt something as well. I read an aquantances blog and there was an entry about this exact thought. Right now there is someone out there doing something completely unknown to you. Somewhere there is someone writing a book. Somewhere there is someone in pain. There are so many things happening all around the world that we are unaware of. One of the lines from the entry was "somewhere there is someone who wants to kiss you, wants to hold you, wants to make you tea." It made me think deeply about this guy I really like. What if he feels the same way. What if he wants to grab hold of me and tell me how he feels, but is too shy. At the same time, what if he doesn't feel that way at all. What is it is another person. The thought of the unknown and the things that go on around us makes you realize how insignificant you are. In this world I am merely a speck, in a pool of specks and we are all insignificant. Like in my picture, standing at the top of the eiffel tower, looking down, there is an entire city of people going through a complete different emotion than myself. I think of how right now, my cousin is on a plane returning from England. For two weeks she's been in a whole other country, doing something unknown to me. She may tell me about it, but we are so far apart. How she can be somewhere and I can be somewhere else doing things that are unknown to each other. It really is a total mindfuck. We like to think that our lives are the only ones, that we are suffereing through something no one else has. When in actual fact, somewhere someone is going through the same thought and has the same feelings. This all started with one feeling and the outcome of how someone else could feel in return. Right now does this guy want to get to know me? Is he thinking about me? Does he want me to come in and see him? Or will he ever make a move? Is he thinking the exact same thing about me? Am I thinking about him? Etc etc etc... Right now I am sitting here writing about this, in my air conditioned house, waiting for dinner. Mean while someone is out there trying to find shelter, trying to build something out of nothing. Someone is starving. Someone is getting married. People are doing anything imaginable and we don't even know it. I wonder what my crush is up to now? :D In the grand scheme of things, we are all so unimportant.

Dog days of summer

These really are the dog days of summer. The days where it is so humid out that doing any normal activities is completely out of the picture. Laying around eating popsicles and drinking ice tea is about as eventful as the day gets. I actually went out yesterday and walked up and down a hill twice and immediately regretted it. The air is hot, heavy and stinky. However, after the winters we suffer through, I have nothing to complain about. When I walk and I find myself sweating within seconds, I think of the days of walking the dog in blistering winds and feet of snow. So I say quit with the complaining and just take in the easy livin'.
Cheers Torontonians, enjoy these days because soon enough we will be back in our goose down and sorels.

Summer days

There is something so unreal about summer in Toronto. We spend the the winter months dreaming of the days when we can finally wear flipflops and shorts again. I for one am always so desperate to wear sandals, that I started wearing mine at the beginning of April when it was still a tad bit chilly out. I bet anyone walking by seeing a girl in flipflops and a coat got a good laugh. Either way, the air is warm and the days are getting longer (the sun is still visible after 8pm). There is really nothing to complain about. School is winding down for the ones that aren't in University. Weekends are spent at the cottage, or at the beach. Summer is truly the reward for the cold dark months of winter we suffer through each year. It is that needed break of relaxed weather. I know once we hit July and the smog alerts start and the humidity starts to rise I will probably have a different outlook, but for now it is simply bliss. Laying in the sun, reading a book, listening to my ipod, drinking san pelligrino to stay cool. It sounds phenominal. I was always envious of those living in Vancouver. They don't really get the cold weather we do here, but they definietly do not get the hot we do either. They may get moderate weather all year long, but we get the coldest of cold and the hottest of hot. In Toronto we get the best of both. Hopefully this summer will be a hot and humid one unlike last year. Although with the garbage strike last year I am kind of glad it wasn't brutally hot because all that garbage would have been more awful than it was. All in all I hope its a great summer, with great weather.

Happy Wednesday, it really only gets better after wednesdays.
Enjoy

Time Flies .....

Sometimes you just need to stop and smell the roses.

I never really thought of the significance behind that saying. Each day passes us so quickly we never stop and reflect on the time that has gone by. We live each day by the next one to come. I find myself always saying "I can't wait for tomorrow", its always a race to be somewhere you are not. Appreciating the moment is not something we do anymore in our culture. We live day by day in a cyber world. We are surrounded by technology that makes living slowly impossible when a text message can be sent and read within seconds.
Thoreau wrote about this exact topic and declared that living among nature is the only cure.
When I think of what he said, stopping to smell the roses has more imagery and a visual nature than I originally thought.
The roses represent how we need to stop and take in what surrounds us. Take in everything that has happened or is happening in the moment. Reflection is a key to reminding ourselves that there are so little hours in a day. What may seem like a long time isn't long at all. I occasionally hear my parents say "that seems like it was just yesterday." Time seriously does fly. It breezes by like the wind and happens in a flash like lightening. I can honestly say I am the worst when it comes to wishing time away. Over the years I have realized that I'm not wishing time away but wishing life away. Next time you find yourself in a rush and in a tizz about something at work or with your friends, stop and smell the roses.

The Vampire Obession

Since Twilight hit theatres almost two years ago, there has been this renewed phemomemon of vampires. Obviously to any any of us that aren't tweens, Anne Rice was doing the "vampire thing" years before. Interview With A Vampire anyone? And before her Bram Stoker penned the classic Dracula. I won't lie and tell you that I didn't become an instant fan of the Twilight books. After seeing the movie I asked for Twilight for christmas. After christmas I went out and bought the other three books. New moon depressed the shit out of me but I was told by my friend that it would get better. Sure enough it did and I spent new years 2008/2009 finishing the book. However, this fall when a new show The Vampire Diaries hit television across the globe I thought the whole vampiredom was getting out of control. I thought to myself that it was just going to be another pop culture trend that will be "the thing" until it gets tired and something replaces it. I decided against watching The Vampire Diaires, I told myself not to bother. My mom on the other hand watched it and kept talking to me about it. She started to suck me in with its draw of sexy vampires among the naiive humans who are unaware of their existence. I watched the second episode and automatically knew that at 7 o'clock on Thursday nights i'd be sitting in front of the tv screen oblivious to the world around me.
As much as the story of The Vampire Diaries is close to that of Twilight, it actually has a different feel. Twilight has more of a story about love. Bella is left to decide between the dead and the undead. Whereas The Vampire Diaries follows this town that has been the centre for vampire existence since the late 19th century. There is no conflicting love for the main character between the human and non-human. In fact its more about the conflicting feelings for the bad vs. the good vampire. Without ruining the show for possible newcomers, it is my newest obsession. The main star, Nina Dobrev, who was on the Canadian show Degrassi: The Next Generation and proves to be able to handle a lead role. The same goes for the Salavatore brothers and the rest of the cast. On the whole they all mesh well and have a great chemistry. The eerie feeling of the little town, named Mystic Falls (I KNOW), is so perfect for the vampire feel.
Since its a monday morning and I know how much everyone loves mondays (sigh) I decided to perk up your day with my favourite person from the show. If your a Lost fan like me, you'll know him as Boone, but to some he's the new bad vampire Damen Salvatore.
Happy Monday

Intentions

Over the past couple of days I have been thinking about what I will blog about. What facts or ideas will I discuss openly for people to read? Recently I've been ranting about peoples need to put up every detail of their life on facebook or Twitter. I really don't care about who got their toes done or who has finished their exams. I simply just don't care. Facebook is just a way to make people feel their boring lives are meaningful to others. The meaningless things we do in our days, like get our toe nails painted, really don't matter to anyone. What facebook does is glorifies these small things so that everyone you know can read and comment on it. I'm just so sick of reading about the boring things people do in their day. I already find myself bored with myself. Do I update people on what t.v show I am currently watching or if I will take a shower. The answer is NO. My biggest problem is that I can't just walk away from facebook. I can admit that I am not one of those people who needs to disable my facebook to study for an exam. I don't procrastinate by going on facebook. Another thing I simply just cannot fathom. The biggest problem, is that I don't have the ability to walk away. I enjoy catching up with my friends on facebook or leaving a message for a friend. I love the idea behind facebook. I know for a fact that it isn't as private as people believe, but I don't care. There is something so raw about sites that expose people and their lives. It truly is a love hate relationship.

What this all boils down to is my intentions for blogging. Will it be insanely interested? Maybe. Will I rant a lot. Probably. Will this sometimes be the highlight of your day? I hope.

We'll see where tomorrow takes me and what I have to say.