long live the fallen world.

when will inspiration ever be enough, you want to believe me? then sing it with love, a tin house is building the world in its throat, its feedback is drowning us and we aren't listening anymore

next summer.

On this dreary rainy day I have tried to brighten it up with a) some upbeat music and b) thoughts about next summer. As of now, the intention is that I will be venturing to France (once again) with stop offs in London and Scotland. This isn't a for sure plan but it's in the primary stages. I traveled all over France when I was 10 and I have wanted to go back ever since. We started in Paris and from Paris drove through to Reims, Beaune, Avingnon and Cannes. I have to say, it was one of the most beautiful place I have ever been to. The french country side is exquisite and it is so historically sound. Although I was basically a child, I still had a strong comprehension of the age of the places I was seeing. The significance still hit me square in the face, as it would someone who has studied the history for years. This time around I really want to go to Vimy Ridge and see the Canadian war memorial. In Paris, I want to be able to actually shop on the Champs D'Elysees and appreciate it as an adult and not a pre-teen. Mostly what made me think about the possibility of traveling next summer is that when we were in Paris is rained a lot. We spent the days we were there cursing ourselves for bringing cheap umbrellas that would flip inside out. I have pictures of the three of us on top of the Arc De Triomphe, damp but still smiling. Even the weather couldn't bring down the amazing time we were having. Overall, on this rainy, damp day I am just thinking about the future but also somewhat nostalgic for the past. Staring out the window, watching cars go by and the rain drops fall off the trees. The idea of going back excites me and the thought of finally getting to see London and Scotland is so enticing. I've wanted to go and see the Castles and the bridges and the places I read about in books all the time. I want to experience it so badly that sometimes I find myself day dreaming about strolling around the cobble stone streets in Europe. I want to see where my family is from and understand the beauty that my family describes so frequently. Maybe rain isn't so dreary, as it brings out the best possible thoughts about the days ahead and where my feet will find themselves next.

sister don't let go

One of my favourite Mumford and Sons songs and videos.

Black Cab Sessions. Chapter Fifty-Seven: Mumford & Sons (minus one son: Ted)

born to die.

don't make me sad, don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why, keep making me laugh, lets go get high, the road is long we carry on, try to have fun in the meantime

Sprawl II

"We rode our bikes to the nearest park, sat under the swings and kissed in the dark. We shield our eyes from the police lights, we run away but we don't know why."

hiding

I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away

no regrets.

I don't want any regrets. When I look back months from now and think about what could have been, I don't want to say "I wish". I don't want those feelings, those moments of self-doubt where I never said what I fully intended to. I can write about it as much as I want and feel it any way I can, but all in all, I don't want to regret not taking action. I have a few days to buck up my courage and bite the bullet of never feeling that regret. You will never know this, but I am nervous. I am anxious and I can't calm myself down. I find myself thinking about possibilities and having to shut my mind because it doesn't seem possible in any right. For now, I will wait. I am going to brave something I have never done or even thought about before and it's quite exciting. I know I will not get the answer I want and it won't work out my way but that is okay. If I try and say I don't regret it, I at least have piece of mind. I don't want to live with regrets of the chances I never took, and the things I left unsaid. Life is just too short to play it safe. After I take this step my mantra will have to be NO REGRETS.

Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals

Have yourself a Merry Christmas, whether you are home alone or with the biggest group of goofs around. Enjoy it, no matter where you are!

the truth

I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if you never take it seriously you never get hurt and if you never get hurt you always have fun and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

young and ....

Young, careless and free: it is the perfect description of how I feel. I am young and on the edge of beginning my life. With all intentions, being on the brink of graduating from University and moving on with my life is quite exciting. I don't feel sad that my academic career is over because it isn't. Everyday is a learning experience. Learning isn't just in a room with a hundred other people, being spoken to by a professor. Doing and living is a learning experience and on it's own. I will forever cherish my time in University and the different people and things I have learned. I don't understand the people who decide that they are scared of 'reality' and do not want to leave the comfort of the University campus. I find the idea of getting into the reality of the world a new prospect bigger than myself. I will not wish away the rest of my school year, but at the same time I cannot wait. Being able to say goodbye to the only life I have ever known and having a change is enticing. However, graduating and getting a job, doesn't mean you become old and irrelevant. It doesn't mean you are just another set of legs, stomping the regular grind everyday. Life only is as you want it to be. If you think having a career means the end of being happy or living life for the sake of it, think again. I don't intend of being a bore, or staying in after a long day at work. Sleep, and being tired is for those who have given up on the possibilities of fun. Those are the people you don't want to become as they never find the true happiness in their life other than the need for more money that won't buy them the inner joy that a night out with your closest friends would. My favourite part about hanging out with my friends is that months after a good night out, we always end up saying 'hey, remember that night?' I don't have time for people who are scared of moving on with their lives, if all I have to show for my time on this earth by the time I am 30 is several degrees, please shoot me or slap me in the face. I want to pull out pictures of me riding an elephant in Africa, or walking the Great Wall of China and sitting in Stone Henge among the ghosts of the druids. That will be my living, but a doctorate in something I don't care about. For the time being I am enjoying being careless and free. I spend willingly and just live each day as it comes. I don't have anything holding me down and I can do as I wish. Being young and having the freedom to stay out late, getting drunk beyond comprehension, going to work hungover, smoking cigarettes like your immortal, wearing ludacris outfits and laying around the house all day is better than anything in the world. As I stand on the edge of something scary, yet new and different, I am taking in every breath of being young and starting a new chapter of my life. The mature responsibilities can wait, as I will take it in stride being young and taking every last moment to be immature and make poor decisions. What is it Rihanna sings? Cheers, drink to that? Amen.

a promise.

I will never hide away. I will never let you tell me who I am and who I should be. I am myself, 100 hundred percent me. In flesh and in heart I stand and live my life to be proud of who I am. If you don't like me, suck it up. If you are jealous or feel sorry for me, don't. I don't need people telling controlling my life. When I love, I love with all of my heart. When I hate, I hate with all of my being. When I laugh, I laugh until everyone laughs too. When I care, I care more than anyone in their right mind should. When I work, I work hard. And most importantly, when I believe, I believe with body, soul and mind. I will never hide away and I will never let someone tell me my opinions are wrong. I am strong willed and fools will not get passed me. I promise to never ever let others designate me and I will live my life to prove them wrong.

memories are fleeting...

tomorrow is new, now is fleeting and yesterday is a memory. how do we move forward without a senseless hope? how do we see past the pain and the heart ache and the suffering? how do we know that tomorrow is new and that now is the moment and yesterday is root of all the answers we seek? i like the idea that now is fleeting. as each second passes we age and those previous seconds are in the past, forever locked in the chest of time and nothing more than a distant thought. i can't believe in a new tomorrow but a fresh tomorrow. tomorrow will not be new because the same feelings will exist within my heart and the same thoughts in my head. fresh is a better description. tomorrow will offer a fresh perspective on things i do not understand, or people i do not know how to help. my hurt will still be latched to my side and tomorrow will bring a fresh beginning to the possibility of resolving it. or a fresh depressing thought that one day will be apart of the memory of yesterday. if we are lucky enough to have yesterday, today and tomorrow than we are lucky enough to be able to start fresh everytime.

you.

If you remember me, I don't care if everybody else forgets.

hit me with your best shot

People will always hate you for being happy. In this twisted world happiness is the equivalent of evil. If you are happy, you are spoiled, if you are sad, you are responsible and hard working. I'm not sure where this view got so incredibly skewed, but evidently it did. I've always had this exact label. I am happy, therefore I am spoiled and have an easy life. It has nothing to do with my self esteem, my life, my academic career, my friends, all those things go by the way side and some how you are spoiled. If something bad happens or sad, automatically your strife isn't as bad as someone who is already unhappy. My emotions are a reflection of my perspective. I have always told myself that there will always be someone with more and someone with less and you need to be okay with the life you have. If you are not happy, make yourself happy. You can't help people who do not want to be helped. I don't sympathize with people who spend their lives moaning and complaining and never make a change for the better. Sympathy should be reserved for the people who cannot change their lives or are struggling through things that as an outsider we cannot comprehend. Being happy has become something to be feared and unspoken. I have spent my life working towards a happiness that my friends and family find infectious. There is a reason people love to hate me and those that love me, love me more because of my ability to be light and airy. I don't take myself seriously and if you perceive me a different way, you clearly don't deserve the good things I have to offer. Label me what you want and try and hit me with your best shot. Others opinions do not matter to me, unless that person matters to me more than myself.