On my mind

For the past hour I've been racking my brain trying to figure out something to write. I'm not usually someone who is lost for words but currently I am mentally checked out. I'm trying to not focus too hard on anything. I am anxious and awaiting an essay back on my last day of classes. I wish I could sit here and type out all the reasons why I am excited for school to end, but I am afraid I will jinx it. I've become superstitiously strange in my old age and I'd rather have all my ducks in a row before I blog incessantly about being done my undergrad. Not to mention that I still have four exams between me and my degree (not just an essay or two). For the most part I just have a lot on my mind. Easter is days away, I have a relative coming home across the pond and one of my brothers will not be around this weekend. I can tell you right now that I am not looking forward to Easter this year. One of our dinners, yes, but the other ... well let's just say a few people I could do without will be there with none of my favourites around to keep a form of distraction. I shouldn't complain, and to be honest, I know I will have a good time. I try my best to be optimistic, but sometimes the demons get you down.

As I sit awaiting my final tutorial of this semester (and hopefully ever!) I can't help but think of the future. This past weekend one of my dearest friends moved into his own place AND he got a promotion at work. Words cannot describe how proud I am. He has worked hard to get where he is and it just goes to show that hard work, good skills and determination will not hold you back. Because my own future career or aspirations are not written in stone or even remotely on my mind, watching someone so close to me move forward really makes me look forward to the future endeavors that lie ahead. Sometimes other people's good news makes you realize how good things can still happen and that working hard no matter what you do, will get you somewhere. Watching someone become their own person, rise up from behind and really prove themselves, is quite amazing. I feel as if I accomplished something with him even though I had nothing to do with it.

Reflecting on this I guess I did have something to write about. I never really thought of my blog as a place to speak openly about my personal life, or my feelings. I've always tried to maintain posting based on a topic or idea I've been thinking about. However, sometimes a public space to vent is what you need. I could show you what my favourite look of the day is, but honestly, it gets boring. There are way too many materialistic, culture based, things that I love. I would write about music but it's pretty much the same these days. I've been listening to the same bands for the past two years without fault and admiring their awesomeness. I might get back into writing about my favourite books. Everyone loves a good book and an opinion on a book. Either way, today (whether or not I pass or fail everything) is the beginning of an end of a personal chapter. Four years of University. Despite sounding like an old geezer, where does time go? I feel like yesterday I was just starting, I was homesick and excited all at once. It feels like yesterday I was moving into residence and getting drunk on Wednesday nights. Life is so short. It seems long and drawn out in the moment, but really it goes by in a flash. I'll sit in my tutorial this afternoon and feel like it is taking hours to be over and no amount of free timbits will help. But when I look back on that class, when I think about all those hours in class, it will seem like it was nothing in my lifeline. Strange how life is, isn't it? I guess that is what you learn as you grow. I just hope I keep on learning and keep on educating myself and never stop enhancing my own skills. Part of my doesn't want University to be over, but there is a part of me that does. Just talking this way makes me feel like I am jinxing myself and I'll be back this summer or fall. I'll stop now, but when all is said and done, you need to live your life. You need to word hard and never give up. I think Sean's promotion really showed me that. It showed me that no matter what is going on, no matter how you feel personally, if you can prove to someone that you have what it takes you will get that chance.